14 Comments

Five Sentence Fiction — Forgotten

Tuesday is when I tackle some Five Sentence Fiction. Feel free to take Lillie McFerrin’s challenge to write a five sentence story based on a single word prompt. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just used for direction. This week’s word is Forgotten.

brown leaves
Here is my offering:

The wind raced passed the windows shaking them in their frames and rattled against the side of the house sounding much like the rustle of a bag of groceries being shifted on the kitchen table. Patrick stared out at the trees that ringed the yard, all of them bare save one—an oak. It seemed to have forgotten what autumn had been all about, tenaciously holding on to cinnamon colored leaves that vibrated in the breeze, seismographicly charting the velocity of each gust. The cold had wormed its way into his joints, which barked at him as he lowered himself, cringing, into a chair by the window. A single leaf escaped the oak’s grasp, tumbling across the lawn before getting snagged by the dark, bony fingers of a sparse azalea bush. 

Got five sentences? Share them!

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14 comments on “Five Sentence Fiction — Forgotten

  1. Lovely little tale – like the idea of a tree holding on to a leaf. It’s an image that’s been in my mind ever since I first read a story called “The Last Leaf” by O’Henry as a kid and it kind of stuck with me ever since.
    Have to admit though, didn’t quite get the bag-of-groceries comparison here. It didn’t quite sit well as a choice for the sound effect I imagined with the things you describe prior to that… even rustling fabric scraping on the floor sounds better to me, but then thats just me.
    Cheers.

    • Spider– Thanks for your always honest feedback. The other day it was very windy and the gusts buffeting the side of my house made that grocery bag kind of sound. I think you are right that it is a bit of an odd description but I thought I would use it. That is the beauty of FSF, you can experiment without too much investment. I may go back and change it. Thanks for your insight and perspective. Would something like “The wall studs complained under the gusty assault” work better?

  2. See, I liked the bag of grocery reference. Maybe because it was easy to ‘hear’ that in my mind.

    The story felt almost poignant to me. Like a passing of time thing. It’s just how it felt though. I do what you did. 🙂

    • Our house makes lots of different noises and I try to mentally catalog them all so I can use descriptions later on. Sometimes the wind elicits squeaks and rattles like a nail being reluctantly removed from a board other times it rustles and bumps, and there are ticks and bumps as well. Some comparisons work, some don’t. I am glad you liked it. thanks as always for stopping by…

  3. This is beautiful, Andy. Such richness of description. And I could feel the chill in my joints that, yes, also “bark” at me. Love that!

  4. There is more to this character, you hint at a hidden story, that there is more to tell, intriguing. Love the imagery of the tree.

    • Miranda– Thanks for your observations. I was going to make him a crusty old man but went for the melancholy instead and I think it suits him better. I am glad you liked it. Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comments.

  5. My two favorite details: the idea that the tree forgot what autumn was all about, and that last line, perfectly describing the “dark, bony fingers” of the azalea.

  6. I liked the comparisons, and I connected with the idea that the old man in his last years was clinging on like the leaves on the old oak… I also liked the leaves charting the gusts of wind!

    • Lisa–

      Thanks for your insightful analysis. You are right on the money. I have to admit I was pretty proud of the leaves charting the wind thing. Thanks for letting me know that you liked it too.

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