14 Comments

Five Sentence Fiction — Detour

Tuesday is when I tackle some Five Sentence Fiction. Feel free to take Lillie McFerrin’s challenge to write a five sentence story based on a single word prompt. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just used for direction. This week’s word is Detour.


Here is my offering:

She felt rag doll limp as the problems of her world pressed down like a dentist’s lead apron and this was just one more unexpected detour—maybe the last straw.  The proper amount of time was observed with the sound of blood rushing in her ears as the seconds ticked away, before she checked the results. Denise had her thumb over the little square window of the home pregnancy test; she pulled a lungful of air in through her nose, held it and eventually moved her thumb aside. There it was: a little blue plus sign. The tears came in a wracking sob and she clicked the safety back on before gently setting her father’s gun on the vanity, glad that she finally had a reason—a baby—to live for.

Got five sentences? Share them!

Advertisements

14 comments on “Five Sentence Fiction — Detour

  1. An original take on the prompt, Andy. And a great build up in the suspense factor. Nice one.

  2. You employed great tension and I was left wondering if she was happy or distressed right up until the final sentence!

  3. I’ve been waiting for an entry from you….always enjoyable and you didn’t let me down this time either.

  4. “Those little #$@%s!” I yelled.

    They always won. I always lost.

    Satisfied in my defeat, I let them win again–and then again.

    Chocolate chip cookies: they only time defeat ever tastes so sweet.

  5. Excellent stuff – I loved the misdirection with the gun immediately prior to the final reveal.

    • Thanks! I was trying to figure out a way to give it a twist and settled on the idea of having someone desperately wanting to be pregnant rather than desperate not to be pregnant.

  6. Wow! Just didn’t imagine the story ending like that. Way to give me a great twist. Awesome description at the beginning.

  7. Wow! I’m suffering from whiplash at that ending. Totally unexpected, poignant and powerful. Brilliant piece of work, Andy. BRAVO!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: