Five Sentence Fiction — Faces

Tuesday is when I tackle some Five Sentence Fiction. Feel free to take Lillie McFerrin’s challenge to write a five sentence story based on a single word prompt. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just used for direction. This week’s word is Faces.

This one is a little different, I hope you enjoy it:

A cascade of faces bubbled up in front of him in full fisheye lens distortion, crowding in and bumping together as the accompanying tangle of voices could not quite be unraveled—an aural snarl of seaweed. Douglas didn’t know if he should know these people but neither his eyes, ears nor brain were cooperating so he dove back down into the gray waters of oblivion. As he drifted at depth on the gently rocking eddies he became aware of a distant, rhythmic pounding as consistent and hypnotic as the ocean surf. Suddenly he had a desperate urge to kick free of the currents of unconsiousness.

 The sweating lifeguard stopped the chest compressions and dipped an ear to the youngster’s mouth, “He’s breathing,” he called out with relief and the ring of onlookers let out a cheer for the boy laid out on the sand.

Got five sentences? Share them!


15 comments on “Five Sentence Fiction — Faces

  1. fish eye lens distortion had me going with a camera, then seaweed ..underwater photography, I surprised with your ending! wonderful write! Great piece! 🙂

    • Thanks. I was going for ocean imagery (bubbles, fisheye, seaweed, waters of oblivion, eddies, surf, currents) to describe his recovery on the beach. I’m glad you liked it.

  2. Andy, this was visual and compelling. I was totally there in the scene, praying the boy would make it!

  3. Wow! This is fabulous! I love that you made the readers work a little for this one. Or maybe it was just me. 😉 I reread it a couple of times to capture all the intricacy of your wonderful prose. What an interesting perspective. The way you wove the movements of the ocean with his stream of consciousness, and then he decides to “kick free” at the end. Just awesome!

    • Thanks! I hope that it wasn’t so much work that people give up trying to figure it out. It is clear to me what is going on but that ultimately needs to translate to the reader or I have failed. I am really glad you liked it.

  4. Ooo. Interesting. I was flipping through options of what was occurring. Was he a fish? Was he a life guard? It was an intriguing moment. Loved the direction the story took.

    • As I said above I hope that the descriptions aren’t too obscure. I don’t mind making the reader work a little bit but I don’t want them giving up. I want to give a sense of what is going on without coming out and saying the boy wasn’t breathing and the lifeguard was doing CPR. As always I really appreciate your feedback.

  5. This is a great piece, I felt as though I could both hear and see what was going on. Very well done.

  6. Definitely not too obscure, I love a piece that makes me think, that gives options and ideas before I know!
    I loved the imagery, and the theme running through, made for a great piece of writing!

  7. Francine was feeling terrible. Her face hurt, her stomach ached, her eyes watered, even her toes tingled.
    “Please swallow this, honey,” her mom pleaded, holding the tablet of medicine as large as a one of those brussel sprouts she hated so much, “You’ll feel much better if you take it.”
    “NOOOOOOO!” Francine screamed as loudly as she could, her mouth open as wide as possible for maximum volume.
    “Thank you dear,” her mom replied after finishing her toss, “I thought you’d give me more trouble than that.”

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