Tuesday is when I tackle some Five Sentence Fiction. Feel free to take Lillie McFerrin’s challenge to write a five sentence story based on a single word prompt. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just used for direction. This week’s word is Lost.
Here is my offering:
He stood at the door blinking. Their mouths were still moving above blue uniforms but Jeremy could no longer hear the words, in fact he could hear nothing but a searing white whine that seemed to permeate the universe and cut deeply into his head. The fat one had said, “We’re sorry Mr. Lexington, they worked valiantly at the scene of the accident but your wife could not be revived.” At that point everything inside of Jeremy became unhitched and he had no sensation of feeling connected to the earth—he couldn’t feel the ground beneath his feet. His anchor line had been severed leaving him utterly lost.
Got five sentences? Share them!
P.S. I know I missed the deadline (just saw Lillie’s call for designs) but I would love to throw my idea for a Five Sentence Fiction badge into the fray. Here’s what I came up with if it’s not too late:
Oh my word. That was gut-wrenching. You nailed those heavy emotions.
Your design is cute.
Thanks and thanks…
Wow, you gave me shivers with that one…and a lump in my throat. Powerful stuff Andy!
I appreciate the feedback. I never really know what makes me go in a particular direction. Maybe that’s why writing is so satisfying.
Full of raw emotion. Well done!!! Also, I love the way you made five sentences out of ‘once upon a time the end’ Such a cool idea
Lilie- Thanks for the feedback and the opportunity with your FSF!
[...] you so much to Sif, Donna, Michelle, Andy, and BekahCat for creating these stellar badges!!! Share this:Like this:LikeOne blogger likes this [...]
Very sad. Living in NYC, I read and hear this kind of stuff all the time and it is never easy. God Bless our Men in Blue and First Responders.
A minor suggestion: Consider replacing the word …Jeremy became “unhitched”:to… Jeremy became “unhinged.” Nice work.
Lora thanks for the suggestion. I was going for the feeling of everything becoming disconnected but unhinged is a great word too.
This really hit home, both for the prompt and in a more personal way. I work at a mortuary and today we had to deal with a mother whose 19 year old son passed away and she was trying so hard to get through all the necessary stuff but kept turning to the coroner and asking, over and over again, if he was sure, really and truly sure, that her boy was gone. You captured that disconnect so well …. great writing.
Ruth– what an interesting (?) place to work. You ought to write about it. I think it would be an emotionally challenging place to work confronted with the kind of scene that you describe.