Tuesday is when I tackle some Five Sentence Fiction. Feel free to take Lillie McFerrin’s challenge to write a five sentence story based on a single word prompt. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just used for direction. This week’s word is Foggy.
Sorry, but this is another dark one. I keep trying to lighten things up but this is where the inspiration takes me…
Derek jammed both feet on the brake pedal jarring the word, “SHIT” loose from the back of his throat, freeing it to bounce around the car before it was sucked out the open window. He hadn’t seen the figure standing in the middle of the woodland road until it was almost too late. The stranger’s back was towards the car and he had never even flinched or turned around, he just stood there looking at the lump at his feet as the dense fog swirled languidly about him.
“Are you a fucking maniac,” Derek yelled, realizing belatedly just how accurate that description probably was, when the figure suddenly turned and melted soundlessly into the thick, primeval woods leaving him to deal with the lump in the road.
Derek was still staring down at the abandoned, crumpled body and crimson rivulets that gravity pulled downhill towards his feet, when there was a screech behind him followed by the shout of, “are you a fucking maniac,” which is when he suddenly turned and melted soundlessly into the thick, primeval woods.
[Cue the Twilight Zone theme song. Do-do do-do do-do do-do...]
Got five sentences in you? Go ahead and share them!
Um… Creepy. Extremely so.
Your muse is in a dark mood. Nothing wrong with that.
Thanks. Yeah, my aim is to shoot for something that will bring a smile next week but I don’t want to limit myself so we’ll see. Thanks for your continued support!
This is clever, a recursive plot that I find appealing if a little frightening too, a loop in time, and the fog evidently helps
Thanks. Glad the idea came through. I appreciate your comment and follow…
I like dark. This leaves me wondering if the clump in the road has something to do with the disapearance of the drivers … beautifully written!
Sorry. First time commenters have to be “moderated.” If I knew how to turn that off I would. Thanks for your feedback. Glad you liked it.
I thought I left a comment but it disappeared?
See? now your comments are showing up…
Scott’s head felt as cloudy as the fog that enveloped the lower half of his body. “Temperature inversion,” he said to the equally confused looking man standing next to him. Scott felt marginally relieved that his brain could decipher a meteorological phenomena but it didn’t explain why he was standing out in the middle of a dense forest along with a dozen or so befuddled strangers, some gazing down with hands deep in their pockets, while others had their heads tipped back like baby birds, staring at the pale moonlight sifting through the treetops. “This weird ground fog I mean,” Scott explained to the man, “it’s caused by warmer air on top of cooler…ahhh, never mind…my name’s Scott, do you know what we’re doing here?”
“ Derek,” the stranger said as the moonlight changed colors and got very loud.
Sorry Andy, I had to latch on to your cool story. Some say that’s lazy writing, I claim efficiency.
Hey maybe that’s a new writing exercise. I start with the first paragraph, the next person adds another, the next another and so on. A sort of “tag, you’re it” idea. I’ll have to think about that…
So Andy thought about it, feeling slightly guilty he was doing it on company time…
…and after only a moment of hesitation, he began dismantling his boss’s car and shipping it piece by piece to his fiance in Floyd, VA.
Absolute storytelling perfection!! Two enthusiastic thumbs up!!
Whoa! What a great endorsement. Thanks for the double thumbs up!
Yep, definitely heard the twilight music cut in at the end…suitably chilling and creepy! Great piece.
Lisa Thanks. I appreciate the compliments.
This reminds me of an X-Files episode! Very creepy and mysteriously shifting. I love it and the vivid details that you have created! Nice work!
Thanks for the compliment and for stopping by.
Where did he go!?! I love this!!
It drew me in, made me sit on the edge of my seat, and it demands I read more. The mimicking is epically creepy!
I second Ruth’s double thumbs, making it four in total!
Angela, thanks for the two thumbs up delivered from the edge of your seat! I have to admit I am pleased with this one but the response has been unexpected. Thanks for the support!
Excellent! loved the loop, really scary.
Always good to hear the word Excellent. Especially from a talent such as yourself…
“I’ll pull your life over right here and now. Don’t make me stop this car.”
The way he, or it, said ‘car’ hung in Brad’s head like the fog-of-a-life he’d lead for far too long.
He wished he actually was in a car.
He wished it would crash.
But the reflection in his vanity mirror was his own and, for all he knew, nothing could kill the voice unless Brad took matters into his own hands.
Rehearsing your lines? I liked it. Thanks for playing along!
Creepy in the best way! Nice
Very nice!!
That is truly awesome and a great example of this kind of surreal story.
I don’t know about dark, but it’s definitely on the weird-scale – kudos!